What would our days look and feel like if we kept this goal in mind? Instead of trying to get something out of a relationship or interaction, what if we were to focus on the other’s wellbeing? How would you broach that interaction?
I can hear many people say: “That’s a crazy idea!” The fearful, defensive mind, aka, the monkey mind or the ego, prefers setting up barricades and protective barriers between itself and others or the world. The fearful mind truly believes that the world and others are dangerous. So why would I give others my kindness, understanding, compassion, acceptance, and appreciation? Even tolerance seems too much for the fearful mind!
Remember that the fearful monkey mind functions mainly from two perspectives: it remembers the hurtful past AND projects it into a catastrophic future. It can never see the loveliness in others, because it filters the behaviour of others through what has happened in the past with them or people like them. In other words, the monkey mind keeps replaying the past in our minds and thus we can only see that past, not what the person is in the current interaction, nor the openness that we are when we are truly present.
At other times, the monkey mind will expect a past interaction to happen again in the next encounter with the same person or someone else. We thus go into that situation guarded, afraid and anxious, unable to be present and genuinely hear the other person. Again, the past interferes with the current interaction.
In either situation, we have not seen the person for what they are and what they bring. If we were to go into interactions with the goal to make the other happy, the past and the future could hardly interfere with the now. In order to do this, we cannot be preoccupied with ‘what I will get in return.’ We can only give what we have; therefore, we have to find ‘happy’ within us in order to give it away. One easy way to find ‘happy’ within ourselves is to focus on making another ‘happy.’
As I recently heard in a movie: ‘Happiness is amazing! It’s so amazing that it does not matter whether it’s yours or someone else’s!’
Try it out and let me know what happens!
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