I have said in another videoclip that the only thing we ultimately want, whether we are aware of it or not, is a life filled with stable and lasting joy, satisfaction, and peace; some call this ‘happiness.’
When we are not aware of such broad goals, we tend to go after personal goals, that is, very concrete goals with the hope they will bring us something better than what we have now. Examples of such goals are: a different job, a larger income, a more interesting partner, one more trip, changing homes, getting away from the cold and the snow, a piece of clothing, losing weight, gaining muscles, getting rid of some habits, a new car, another bottle of wine, or another podcast, book or movie.
Once such goals are reached, have you noticed that the satisfaction and joy related to them vanish almost as quickly as the event is over or the thing has appeared in your life? The dissatisfied mind thus feels restless and starts searching for another goal or thing / event / experience / person.
Please do not conclude that I am looking down on those goals and that one should not pursue them; not at all! However, the mindset we adopt when planning for any goal is key! Joy, satisfaction, peace, enthusiasm, growth, and sharing are the ‘stuff’ that sustains a goal worth pursuing; that is, an impersonal goal. Progressing through the project joyfully must be the priority over the details of the ‘what’ and the ‘how’ of it.
Having a Vision Board, for instance, is a great tool; however, never forget the ultimate goals, otherwise, all kinds of unpleasant feelings, experiences, and blockages will creep in. I recommend paying attention to the following things when moving forward with your goals:
If you feel frustrated and impatient; If you notice yourself blaming someone; If you hear yourself justifying your upset; If you feel treated unfairly; If you feel stuck, it is time to regroup and remember the broader goals.
Again, broader goals are the inner satisfaction, certainty, and sense of safety. We experience those when we are at the right place at the right moment; a sense that things are aligning and moving smoothly or rapidly. Everyone has experienced that!
A useful visualisation to distinguish personal and impersonal goals would be this:
In a personal goal, a project / goal in the world will bring me something; thus, the arrow moves from the outside to inside me. In an impersonal goal, I bring joy, talents, enthusiasm to the world; thus, the arrow moves from the self to the world.
I am very aware that I am not the first person to say these things and remind you of them. I am only one more person on your path who is happy to remind you AND myself of what is most important in life; at least it is for me. Let’s remember that we are all traveling together and ‘walking each other home,’ as Ramdass said.
The lists below are characteristics of personal and impersonal goals:
Personal Goals :
Feeling pressured
Doubt creeps in
Deadlines bring stress
We are ‘getting’ something
For oneself alone, i.e., feeling selfish
There is fear of losing, being taken advantage of
There is a cost to myself as I get to the goal
Feeling uptight about details
Trying to control
Fearing that things will derail from the plans
Believing that without me this goal could not happen
Getting ahead of oneself, and thus becoming frustrated
Believing that I am doing everything right, but things are not happening; What’s wrong!
Expectations of how things should be and being disappointed when they don’t
Short-changing oneself or losing oneself
Impersonal Goals:
They serve others as well as oneself
Offering my talents just for the pleasure of it
We do our best and let life do its part
It’s okay to not be perfect at it
Something bigger than ourselves carries the goal or project
There is a release of control
Curiosity is present
There is a sense of sharing ourselves along with something of value
Everyone involved has an equal chance
There is equality between members
Giving and sharing so that everyone benefits
Knowing that as one member benefits, we all benefit
Being aware that what I give is already mine
Trusting that what happens is part of the unfolding, including the most unexpecting events
Being grateful throughout the project
Being aware that everyone has something to contribute
Being joyful and flexible
Having a timeline but not a deadline – it’s not the end of the world, ‘dead’, if things happen with an unexpected timeline
Being relaxed and playful since there is some knowing that what we are working for is on its way
There is expectancy without expectations
Integrity and alignment are present