When helping comes from a place of wanting to connect with others and participate in something greater than ourselves, we feel at peace and joyful at the thought of helping and at the time of helping itself. That is the right kind of help!
When it comes to unsolicited help, our motive could be that what we are observing in another person triggers us in some ways. We may feel frustrated that the person is not more engaged in solving their issue or that they are doing something we judge as irrelevant or useless. We could also have concluded that they are not equipped for or capable of dealing with their issue. In either case, we feel some kind of upset or tension within us as we look at the other’s situation in such ways.
THAT negative feeling is our clue that we are on the wrong track, that our motive is hindering the situation, and that we are being selfish!
In doing so, we have filtered what we see in the other through our own limiting understanding of who this person is and what they are capable of doing. Furthermore, we believe that until the other has resolved their issue to OUR satisfaction, we cannot be at peace or content. Our help thus becomes quite selfish; we want to ‘fix’ someone else in order to feel better.
In other words, we want to take control of the situation to our own satisfaction, thus: “Help is the sunny side of control.” We can think this through together! Learn more about this concept in this TED Talk with Anne Lamott: 12 truths I learned from life and writing. Click the video below!
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